(Not) falling prey to apathy

a dead cat made me think a lot of things

These last few weeks, perhaps discouraged from the park by the disappearance of the puppy I loved, I have been going to the gym. In order to get there, I must drive down an underpass. About a month ago, I noticed a dead cat on the platform between the roads under the bridge. This is a sight that always serves to disturb. Years ago, upon seeing dead animals on the edges of the fast lane particularly on Shahra-e-Faisal, I promised myself to never even glance in that direction. Turns out such an intention only served to make me look even more.

I hoped that this cat would be picked up soon enough, but not quite. The next day, the cat was still there, more decomposed than the last time. On the 4th of February, I made an entry in my diary writing that the cat was still there even after so many days. The mornings have passed like this. I have driven by, glanced to my right, and seen that the cat has been exactly where it was. It has now been a month.

I’ve thought about asking someone from the army of orange-uniformed sweepers of the street to do this job for me. I can hardly ever seem to stop the car in the underpass itself because of fast moving traffic. Sometimes, I see the sweepers’ supervisor in my own area, and I think to stop and ask him to have this job done. I wonder if I should pay him a little. I also wonder if I should pay him now or wait until the job is done. I also keep passing them by, not doing a thing.

I wonder if it’s just me taking note of this decaying cat. So many cars pass by the underpass every single day, and I’m quite sure it is cleaned by the men and boys in the orange uniforms on a daily basis too. I expressed my frustration to my friend, who suggested that perhaps they’re not paid nearly well enough to go the extra mile to scoop and remove a dead animal.

I wonder if it’s my job to clean up this cat. Suddenly the line from the Pooja video comes to mind, ‘well pick it up if it bothers you’. Perhaps I should. I’m definitely not apathetic to the situation, but is it true that I may as well be if I’m not doing anything about it? I’m bothered by the fact that no one else is bothered. But how can I know as much if I’m taking just as much (in)action as the next driver-by?

My guess is that no one’s really looking to their right, just straight ahead, tunnel vision in the tunnel. I wonder if I should make a fuss on social media and tag KMC. But instead I’m just sitting here raging and reflecting on things like collective apathy and my complicity in it.

I wonder if I should not let things bother me - it would make my life easier. It would mean I don’t need to wrestle with my own moral compass on the way to the gym. It would mean I put limits on my peripheral vision. But then if I did that, I wouldn’t have seen the security guards outside the park sitting and chatting in front of a bed of sunflowers, not even knowing how cute they looked. I almost stopped twice to ask if I should take a picture, but I didn’t, and I regretted it, and then I thought about the small things that I regret. Perhaps it’s not that I need to close my eyes, but maybe put a stop to the speed of my thinking mind. Perhaps then I would pause, and ask someone to clean the cat, ask if I can take the photo.